Expecting dad asks his 38-year-old stepmom if he and his girlfriend can move into her unfinished basement for the first 3 years of their baby's life so they don't have to pay rent and she can babysit: 'I laughed'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 8, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

There are so many people who are totally comfortable mooching off their families for the whole of their days. I'm not even talking about rich kids who move to NYC, live a lavish lifestyle, and get their rent paid by their parents. At least those people don't bring their financial ineptitude and drama into their parents' houses. I'm talking about the breed of adult who moves into their parents' house during adulthood and never leaves. They don't pay rent, they don't do things around the house, they don't change a lightbulb; they have kids and get married and expect their aging family members to maneuver their lives around that, despite the fact that it was the aging family member's house to begin with. A lot of adult children can get away with this because they've proven time and time again that they're not responsible enough to actually take care of themselves, so their parents just deal with it because it's better than knowing your kid is living on the streets. 

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  • While it might be true that some adult children really can't properly care for themselves, that's often just an excuse for misbehavior. The stepson in this story is misbehaving, and his stepmom won't stand for it.

  • 01

    AITA for telling my stepson that we will not be providing him with free childcare and housing?

    I (38F) have 3 stepsons, they are all adults (late teens-mid twenties). The one this concerns is middle child. He sat my husband (42) and I down last night and told us that his girlfriend is pregnant and they do plan on keeping the baby. We got into
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  • 03
    logistics of how that's going to work because they live with her mom right now in her living room. He said that they won't be able to stay with her once the baby is born.
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  • 05
    This is where he said that they plan on moving in with us. As a statement. We do not have any free rooms, so I asked where they expected to stay? He said we can finish the basement before the baby is born and they will live down there. The basement is completely unfinished. Making it a livable space would cost several THOUSANDS of dollars - which we don't have.
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  • 06
    He said it would just be until the baby reaches pre-school age and then it will be easier for them to live on their own since they wouldn't need the full time childcare. What childcare?? Me apparently. I'm childcare. I do
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    work from home, but it is very much WORK. I spend 75% of my day in meetings or on phone calls with clients, it is not a job I can do with a baby. I'll admit, not my finest moment, but I laughed. Hard. Because I couldn't believe he was being serious.
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  • 09
    My husband stepped in and said he needed to come up with a different plan because none of that was happening. He said that we can help financially to secure an apartment. We can help with baby stuff. We will be happy to take the baby when they need a break - but that's the extent. It wasn't a happy parting at the end, but my husband and I are on the same page.
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  • 10
    A couple hours later my husband got a call from his ex. She was upset at both of us for not supporting them the way they felt they needed us to. Bear in mind, she can't watch the baby or house them either because she lives in a 1 bed apartment with her on again/off again husband who does not like the kids and does not allow them to even
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  • 11
    come over to see her. Hubby told her that now would be a great time for her and son/DIL to get a place together - then she can take care of the baby and they'll have a place to live. Which of course, she didn't like.
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    We don't really care what she thinks, but our oldest has said that he thinks it's a little harsh that we won't let them stay here temporarily (it wouldn't be temporary. Her mom's living room was supposed to be temporary 2 years ago.) and he
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  • 13
    doesn't think it was nice that i laughed during a serious discussion, which is fair. The youngest is on our side, but he lives at home when he's not away at college and he doesn't want to live with a baby either, so he's a little biased.
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  • 14
    Are we a h les here? I do feel bad, it isn't going to be easy - but being a parent is never easy. HI, that's the whole point of this freaking post, our kids are grown and it's STILL hard to be a parent. We'd love some outside insight.
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  • 15
    kurokomainu our oldest has said that he thinks it's a little harsh that we won't let them stay here temporarily (it wouldn't be temporary. Her mom's living room was supposed to be temporary 2 years ago.) You are thinking two or three steps ahead. He is only thinking one.
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  • 16
    and he doesn't think it was nice that i laughed during a serious discussion, which is fair. Well, nice or not, I think in the long run it's better that the ridiculous bubble of delusion was burst from the get-go, rather than you treating it as in any way a request worthy of consideration. You do not want the father-to-be thinking that you doing the "full time childcare" could ever be a realistic plan. Your laughter cleared away any doubt about your refusal. If he is that delusional and entitled
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  • 17
    AnnaT70 NTA, and your oldest can step up if they're going to clutch their pearls like this. Do not let them move in for five minutes, let alone five years. They will never, ever leave.
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  • 18
    DeviceMotor3938 And they will leave the baby with you whenever well please. they
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  • 19
    zxvasd You're right, Laughter was a great way to reinforce the "no". I sometimes laugh reflexively when people do or say ludicrous things. Is that normal?
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  • 20
    LottieOD The son and girlfriend are not ready to be parents if they cannot plan and take care of the bare minimum basic stuff like a place to live and childcare. Why on earth do they think it's a good idea to have a child in their situation. I don't blame you for laughing, their suggestion was ludicrously ridiculous. So.. you remodel your basement for us, at your expense, we'll move in, and you can provide (presumably) free daycare while we get on with our lives. I'd be in hysterics at the level
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  • 21
    BluffCity Tatter Right. And they've been living somewhere for 2 years with her mom and haven't saved enough money for an apartment deposit in that time.
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  • 22
    Expensive Excuse_597 NTA. It is just amazing to me that people expect others to rearrange their entire lives when they decide to have children, in order to take care of said children, who should always be taken care of by the parent. I would probably not have laughed, but I hold the same position as you and your husband. As far as finishing out the basement, it will cost more than several thousand dollars, it will cost several tens of thousands of dollars.
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  • 23
    No_Middle_3193 Exactly, it would be cheaper to help them with rent. Since they have been staying with GFs mom for the past 2 years they should have some money saved up. NTA
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  • 24
    ranchojasper Also it's crazy that OP is only 38 years old!!!! She's not even middle-aged yet and her step kid expects her to just stop working to provide free full-time childcare?! She's not even 40 years old! My brother did this to my parents when he was almost as old as OP and our parents were in their 70s and already retired! Still way too entitled in my personal opinion, but at least he didn't expect one or both of our parents to like literally stop their careers!
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  • 25
    half_way_by_accident I interpreted it as him expecting op to babysit while working from home. You know, since she's already home. So many people seem to think that that's something that people can do.
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  • 26
    ilp456 NTA. I think everyone has it covered regarding the outrageousness of their request so I'll comment on the laughter. Laughter is a release of emotion. People laugh for many reasons including nervousness or uncomfortable situations. Don't let them guilt you because of the laugh. Asking you to spend > $10K to finish your basement and then provide free childcare while working was an outrageous request and you reacted accordingly with a release of emotion.
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  • 27
    Haunting-Wish-4036 OP Honestly the laugh was partly that they chose the LEAST qualified parent to be childcare. I'm the only one who has never had a baby, I came into the picture when the youngest was 4. I've never changed a diaper, or made a bottle, or done anything baby related. So for me to be their first thought was extra comical.
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